


Sometimes To Stay Alive, You've Got To Kill Your Mind

by helpmepolarize



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Depression, Goodbye, I Made Myself Cry, I am so sorry for this, I cried while writing this, M/M, Suicide, i hate myself for writing this, im going to cry in a corner now, really sad, triggering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-17
Updated: 2015-04-17
Packaged: 2018-03-23 06:28:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3757909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helpmepolarize/pseuds/helpmepolarize
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Josh doesn't want to be here anymore.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>((title from Migraine by twenty one pilots))</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sometimes To Stay Alive, You've Got To Kill Your Mind

**Author's Note:**

> This will be triggering, so please check the tags and stay safe.
> 
> Stay alive |-/

Josh's P.O.V.

I didn't know what to do anymore. Nobody cared about him. And why should they? I was just a fucked up kid. I deserved to be hated. Even Tyler didn't care anymore.

Tyler.The boy he had loved for so long. The boy who would never love him. Even he pulled away after years of being best friends. If I was being completely honest, tthat's hat sent me over the edge. The fact that Tyler didn't care and probably never would. And that hurt like hell.

I looked at the pills in my hand. I wanted to do this, oh God I did, but I was so fucking scared. Scared of what death would be like, what would happen if I didn't succeed, how my family would feel, scared of everything about suicide. 

I took a deep breath and blew my messy hair out of my face. I didn't want to leave a note, but I did wanted to say goodbye to Tyler. So I made a decision. I would call Tyler, tell him goodbye and say I was sorry and then I would go.

Tyler picked up on the third ring. "Hey Josh, what's up man?" Tyler said it so calmly. It wasn't like he knew what was going on.

"I'm so sorry, Tyler. I am so, so, so sorry. I just c-cant do this a-anymore," I choked out.

"Josh? Josh what's wrong? Josh, some on, talk to me, please, why are you sorry? What can't you do anymore?" Tyler was worried now. Very, very worried.

"Any of this. I fucking hate myself, nobody likes me, everyone left, and I can't do this anymore. God, Ilove you so much and you never knew and I never told you and I'm in love with you and I am so, so sorry. I know you don't care but I love you and none of this is your fault, I promise," I rushed out. This was not what I had planned. I was supposed to say goodbye and hang up, not tell Tyler I fucking loved him.

"Josh please calm down. Where are you? Please don't do anything stupid. I care about you so fucking much and you cant die on me. Please, Josh, stay alive." I could tell Tyler was freaking out. But I just couldn't believe his concern was legitimate.

"Sometimes to stay alive, you've got to kill your mind. And this is me killing my mind. I'm sorry, Tyler," I choked out and quickly hung up. 

I looked at the pills in my hands. I must have looked at them for a half an hour. I was about to swallow them when I heard a bang.

Tyler's P.O.V.

"Sometimes to stay alive, you've got to kill your mind. And this is me killing my mind. I'm sorry Tyler," I heard Josh choke out and then a click as he hung up.

I stared at my phone for about 0.5 seconds before I ran out to my car and sped to Josh's house. My best friend, whom I had loved for most of my life, was not going to happen.

It took about 30 minutes to get to Josh's apartment. God, I hoped that was enough time.

I had no idea where the spare key was and I had no time to look for it, so I grabbed a metal water bottle and smashed a window with it, clearing away the glass so I could climb through. I sprinted to where the bathroom was, figuring Josh was in there. My assumptions were correct.

Josh looked up at me in wide-eyed wonder. He didnt think I would come, I assumed.

"Ty-tyler? Wh-what are you doing h-here?" he stuttered out.

"You are not allowed to die on me," I whispered out. 

"God, I fucking deserve to die!" Josh yelled, startling me.

I ran over to where he was and wrapped my thin arms around his muscular body as he sobs wracked his body. "No, Josh, you don't deserve to die. You are this amazing person who deserves only the best. You have saved me so many times and I'm returning the favor now. I will not let my whole world die. I love you so fucking much. And that's full homo intended," I said, still hugging him.

"I love you too, full homo," Josh giggled out through his tears.

"Come on, buddy, let's get you to bed. It's been a long night and sleep is always good. I'm gonna help you through this, I pinky promise." I held up my pinky finger and Josh interlocked it with his own. I laid down on Josh's bed as we hugged each other as close as humanly possible, no intention to ever let go.

"Oh, and Josh?" I whispered.

"Yeah?" he whispered back groggily.

"Can I use the line, 'sometimes to stay alive, you've got to kill your mind' in one of my songs?" I asked hopefully.

Josh chuckled in response and soon we both fell into deep sleeps.


End file.
